The 'Yes Policy'

A couple years ago I decided that every time a guy asked me out on a date I would say yes. It started when I read some articles from a University paper in which the the writer was encouraging more guys to ask girls, and from which I want to re-iterate to all the guys: ASK MORE GIRLS OUT!

Sometimes I’m utterly shocked, when my girl friends tell me they haven’t been asked out in months, or even years. As a women, I appreciate that in the case of initiating dates, men most often bear the brunt of this burden, and while I’m sure there are a variety of reasons they aren’t asking, the most obvious must be the fear of rejection. So I decided to do my part and ease those fears, by saying yes. It’s not that I was being asked out a lot anyway, but I do think that simply by being willing to give someone a shot, I got more dates.

Now, I must admit, it wasn’t a blanket yes policy. There were instances where I felt that saying 'no' was the most respectful and kind thing for both of us. I didn’t want to be the girl that took advantage of a guy for a free meal, or lead him on to believe that I was interested when there was “no way.” (It’s pretty obvious when someone is a “no way.") One such instance was at a gas station, where a guy leaning up against his truck called me “baby,” and asked if I’d like to meet him at the mall sometime. Not saying that the right girl wouldn’t have appreciated his courage in asking a total stranger, but that’s just not me, so I thanked him and said ‘no’ with the sweetest smile I could muster.

It just so happens that one year ago today I said ‘yes’ to a blind date with some guy that my pastor had been trying to set me up with for years. We met at Borders after I got off work and had a relatively standard dinner date. He was nice. Very “mature” I recall, but unfortunately he lived in California, and we all know long distance relationships are a total waste of time!

Really, the whole point of the yes policy was about keeping my mind open to possibilities that I might not be able to imagine. I really do believe that God can orchestrate romance way better than Hollywood. I didn’t want to write the right person off the list for the wrong reason. Several “possibilities” later and that guy from California turned out to be the one who fulfilled and then far exceeded my imagination of how love is meant to be.

*My humble apologies if this advice sounds like another annoying person who thinks that because they found someone they have it all figured out. The truth is, I had it all figured out before the guy. hehe. ;)

5 Things I learned about dating:

1. Admitting it is always the first step. If you want to find someone, start by admitting it to yourself, then your friends. Wanting to be with someone is healthy and normal.

2. Men: Flowers really are THAT important. Women: Food really is THAT important.

3. Break up once. Don’t fool yourself into believing that you can be “friends” afterwords. Don’t call or email. Just end it.

4. Never settle. Its better to be single for the rest of your life than settle. Even worse is being the person someone settled for.

5. Waiting to say “I love you” is overrated. Love is a growing thing, and it will not mean the same thing it did the first time as it will the hundredth or thousandth time.. When you love someone, say it.

Horseback Riding Alongside the Pyramids of Giza

On Saturday I was invited to join some of my Egyptian colleagues, Amira and Rania, on a Horseback riding trip in Giza. Giza is on the outskirts of Cairo and it is where you’ll find the most well known pyramids of Egypt.

Amira is an experienced rider and also invited a couple of her fellow experienced riding friends: Achmed and Kareem. Chinwe is my American colleague who had to catch a flight out that evening. She wasn’t quite sure about joining us, but for those of you that know me, you know that I love to manipulate people in to joining group activities by whatever means necessary. I chose the trash talk method, which for those of you that know me know: its just talk. I started bragging to Chinwe about how I was this great rider and since she’s older than me she’d probably lose the race. I know, I’m terrible…but it worked.

The truth is that I took some English saddle lessons for a few months when I was a kid but I’m waaay over-confident. When we arrived in Giza I told our horse guide to give me the fastest horse he had. “Give me the Mercedes of all your horses,” I said, and his name was “Cowboy.”

I quickly realized that English saddle is rarely used for practical riding purposes and “Cowboy” most certainly had not been trained for the likes of my “sophisticated” style. However, Cowboy WAS trained!

All the horses were trained to ignore their rider and only listen to the trainer. This makes total sense, since most of the riders are inexperienced foreigners who could very easily give the wrong signal and wind up in a dangerous situation.

We were accompanied by three guides and unbeknownst to myself we were divided into 2 groups: the “Experienced” and the “Joy Riders.” We calmly rode through the streets and into a small village with narrow dirt lanes and apartment buildings on either side. Colorful laundry hung on lines out the windows along with signs offering the passerby a variety of methods of touring via horses, camels, or chariot. It was an odd mix of commercial and residential as children played and women tended to their household casually acknowledging the caravan passing by. I had to tease Chinwe when one of her guides, a boy about 8 years old, trotted down the street holding her reigns.

The scenery began to thin and then the hooves hit the sand. I was anxious to run. But at this point I still foolishly thought I was in control. ‘Snap!’ ‘Snap!’ the guide cracked his whip and the four of us were off on a gallop leaving Chinwe and the Joy Riders in the dust.

On one hand, it was absolutely exhilarating to be galloping along with a group of people as if I really knew what I was doing, but then on the other I remembered that I didn’t. I quickly realized that I had ‘no’ control over the speed at which the horse moved which explained why my earlier attempts to “giddy-up” had produced nothing more than a skip. My riding plan developed in 3 stages. 1.) Try not to look inexperienced 2.) Ok, just DON’T fall off! 3.) OMG! Live! Must….Live!

The stirrups were too long and at one point both my feet were out completely as Cowboy was running at top speed. I clenched as tightly as I could to stay on and focused on the only thing I had any control over which was steering.

Something else you should know is that in the pictures, those sand dunes look so smooth and silky soft. However, in real life its more like chunky peanut butter…EXTRA chunky. The chunks being rocks. Hard rocks.

We made it to the top of one of the dunes where there was a small shack and blocks stacked to make a fence like enclosure. It wasn’t much but apparently it was our stopping point as everyone demounted. I was trying not to let on how incredibly difficult that was for me but I was grateful to get off the horse even though I wasn’t too steady on my feet. It was hot and I was exhausted and sore already. From somewhere inside the shack they produced cold drinks but what I really needed was some “junk in my trunk.”

Fifteen minutes later the Joy Riders moseyed their way to the top. It really was an incredible view. Surrounded by rocky dunes, topped with a blue sky and THE pyramids.

Much to my surprise Amira translated that the guide was very impressed with my riding. I think he was just impressed that I didn’t fall off, as was I! I hinted as much as my pride would allow that we should take it easy on the way back, and I tried to join the Joy Riders but Cowboy was clearly programmed for my guide because just the sound of the whip sent him and the rest of us off in a rumble.

The good news is I made it back safely with a wonderful memory as well as incredibly sore inner thighs.

How to overcome Jetlag!

Yay! I made it to Cairo. Its Sunday and the first day of the work week here. I got a full nights sleep last night and I'm ready for the rest of the week. Sleep is very important to me. Even through my college years I rarely got less than 8 hours of sleep a night. And when I’m sleepy there’s no arguing with my alter ego, “Jezebel,” who on a daily basis tricks me into hitting the snooze or succumbing to 10 - 12 hours of sleep. (She’s very manipulative ya’ know)

Jetlag can be the worst, but over the last few years of my traveling experiences I’ve discovered a few ways I can avoid jetlag almost entirely. Half the battle is all in your head, so here are 5 tips on how to overcome Jetlag:

1.) The night before you travel stay up as late as possible. The idea is to mess up and confuse your sleep schedule and so you'll be ready for number...
2.) Sleep on the plane. For one it makes the trip go faster, plus you'll already be exhausted from staying up the night before. If sleeping upright is uncomfortable for you, as it is for most people, Dr. Brittnie suggests taking Tylenol PM with Melatonin (a natural relaxer) and you'll be sleeping with you're mouth open before the plane takes off.
3.) Do not keep track of the time while you're traveling. Try not to think about whether you would typically be awake or asleep at that time. The key is to confuse your body enough so that it will follow the light/dark schedule of wherever you're going.
4.) Once you arrive start tracking the time so that you can tell your confused self whether you're tired or not.
5.) The first couple of days are key so depending on the time of day you arrive here’s what to do:
LATE MORNING/EARLY AFTERNOON: Take a nap. Keep the windows open and lights on if necessary so your body know this is a JUST a nap.
EVENING: This is usually the most difficult time of day for jetlag so make sure you plan evening activities away from the bed. Shopping, museums, dinner, anything to keep yourself moving and distracted from sleep.
BEDTIME: Take another Tylenol PM and get in to bed even if you don’t feel sleepy.

Our Earthly Incubator

This blog is dedicated to Eden and Zoe.

You may have heard of, or even know my friends Jen and Jason who recently gave birth to triplets at 24 weeks of gestation back in October. Two of the babies passed away due to complications, but the third baby, Juliana, is doing well. Jason and Jen have a blog they update daily, graciously sharing their struggles and triumphs.

After being in the incubator for 3 weeks Jen and Jason got to hold their daughter for the first time through a special technique called “kangaroo care.” This technique is especially important to premature babies that spend most of their time in an incubator. The key component of the “kangaroo” is skin to skin contact, but what this means for Juliana, who is still on a ventilator to help her breathe, is that they must be very still while they hold her. They cannot rock her or move at all because of the tube in her throat. In addition, her skin is very delicate and they’re not supposed to rub it. Instead they press their warm hands against the tube and gauze-free patches of her skin, passing their love from hand to tiny head.

Literally thousands of people are reading their blog praying for Juliana and her family, as they see the love this baby has to live for. Even I, just a friend and onlooker wish I could somehow tell her how loved she is or perhaps whisper in her ear “Do you know how much? Can you see how they love you?”

Inside the incubator, Juliana is made as comfortable as possible. Her bed is warm, soft, and safe from infection, but who could blame her for feeling alone in there. What she doesn’t know is everyday just a few feet away her parents sit watching over her. She can’t feel it, but they are there.

Even if they hooked up the incubator with a giant flat screen TV with a Sesame Street marathon playing 24/7, it could never replace her need to feel her father’s fuzzy chest pressed up against her tiny ear. At the end of the day, what Juliana needs most, is to feel her parents close.

I can’t help but think of God outside the incubator, who also longs for us to feel His love. Even when we think we’re all alone, even when our closeness to him seems out of reach, he is there, desperate for us to remember the times he held us close; but who can blame us for feeling alone? Alone in our heated homes, soft beds, and shelves full of books and DVD’s to entertain and distract; but eventually we all come to the place where we realize that these things are not enough. We need companionship. We need friends, we need family, and most of all we need a God to teach us how to love them.

In their blog Jason shares how the kangaroo care has a physically positive impact on Juliana as she snuggles down and relaxes in their arms. Juliana finds peace in the kangaroo care, and we too live for moments of closeness, but its not enough.

Jen and Jason and their entourage of support long for the day when they strap that baby in their back seat and drive home. I too want to go home.

-END-

You can read more about Juliana's journey as shared by her parents on their blog: jasonandjenpayne.com

Laundry Slave

Click Here to listen to the audio Podcast version of this blog!

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
-Luke 12:34

Vacuuming is a pain, and I hate doing the dishes, but laundry is the never-ending chore that seems to suck my life away. I hate doing laundry but fortunately I have enough clothes that I can get by with only doing it about once a month.

After switching the laundry from washer to dryer a few weeks ago I felt a sense of accomplishment, “ah, the dreaded chore is almost done.” But then I realized, its not! Because after I pull it out of the dryer I have to haul it back upstairs, fold it, distribute it to the appropriate places—towels in the closet, table cloths and linens in the dining room, clothes to my room—and finally I have to actually put it away in the appropriate drawers. I’m pointing out these seemingly tiny steps because its amazing to me how my false sense of accomplishment will delay for several days or weeks this final destination of my clean laundry from dryer to drawers! It’s not uncommon to find a week old bag of clean laundry unfolded in my room, or clean folded laundry in the living room or bedroom. “It’s soooo close! It’s almost there! Just put it away!”

But then, why bother? The cycle of laundry slavery is just one morning away from starting all over again. I wake up and before I leave the house, all the rejected tops, or bottoms, or belts, etc., are strewn amongst the dirty, or folded-but-not-put-away clothes. My room would be pretty clean most of the time if it wasn’t for all my laundry and shoes all over the place.

And that’s when this joke of laundry slavery stops being so funny. It’s still sort of funny, but now its also really true. My laundry owns so much of my time. Be it the tedious process of cleaning it, or putting it away, to the mornings where I stand in front of my satiated closet lamenting that “I have nothing to wear.” This slavery goes on to infect not only my time but also my mind (and money). I flip through fashion magazines or notice other women and I think about the things I don’t have or I make a mental note of the things I need. But it doesn’t even end there because then I have to shop for these clothes, and when my closet gets too full I have to sort and give these pieces away by the bag full, with usually an article or two that was never worn.

It’s not just my clothes; it’s my shoes too. It’s the jewelry, the must have Mac gadgets, or more music from iTunes. I don’t know, maybe its the American culture of consumerism, or entitlement, or immediate gratification…probably its all those things, but mostly it just makes me feel okay about myself. New clothes make me feel beautiful, successful, wanted…at least for a little while, until I’m home slaving over my pile of finicky fabrics.

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes… But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.
-Luke 12: 22-31

Philosphical mumbo-jumbo

“As for me, all I know is that I know nothing.” -Socrates

Is the scientific mind some how superior to the one that is not?

It seems that the subject of science is left to a mind that while it is capable of grasping large mathematical equations and complex scientific theories, it is a mind that struggles to apply the basic social skills to interact with the world they have mathematically figured out. As much of a generalization as that may be, it is comparable to a mind of people I associate myself that seem to quickly shy away at the very word: multiplication.

It would be like me saying that because I have a mind that understands some of the complexities and implications of interaction between humans that I somehow understand the whole world; including science. To me the world is too complex to divide it into ideas that can be summed up within itself. A building cannot not be built without the collaboration of a variety of minds: scientific and not. It requires the architect, the project manager, the janitor, marketing, the city’s approval…so on and so forth. Every specialty seems to leak its way into another specialty which then leaks its way into another which is evidence that the whole world is complex-ally (Brittnie word…haha) and immeasurably intertwined. Even those that we can trace are only traced so far before we lose sight of its effects.

But maybe this conclusion is meaningless because it is coming from just a person who readily admits they’re lack of understanding about a science of any kind. However, no matter who’s head a mind is beheld I find it small minded to conclude that any one group of people has all the answers to their specialty—be it religion, or science—without acknowledging the effects and importance of the other group …which thus requires me and them to acknowledge that we do not know everything. I cannot know everything about relationships just a s a scientist cannot know everything about science.

In other words, I have no idea what I’m talking about.

CONFESSION: Now available Online!

Ok, well…I might as well just say it: a few weeks ago I joined eHarmony. Yep, I did it. What does it mean? Well, it depends on who's listening.

I've gotten several reactions from people such as "You're too young!" "Wow, you're desperate," to my personal favorite: "You must be the hottest person on there," (lol) to "yeah, I've tried that, and even know a few couples that got married after meeting on eHarmony."

That last one was the most surprising to me. "You mean it actually works?" I guess I'm not really expecting anything to happen. The main reason I decided to join was to put my mind at ease that I'm at least making an effort.

Being out of college and working a full time job has been a real adjustment, and weekends seem like my chance to catch up. I've realized that I no longer have the time or opportunities to meet new people that being in school provided, so now I would have to make an effort. Ugh.

So I decided to join eHarmony with some encouragement from the only friend to whom I dared admit I was considering the option. It really wasn't an easy decision. I think what I dislike the most about the idea of online dating is the inevitable question: "How did you meet?" followed by the-very-unromantic-sounding answer: "We met online." Eeeek.

However, I've realized that online dating has changed a lot over the years. It isn't just a surface hook up with some random person. It's not a chat room full of a bunch of desperate, unattractive introverts. Hello! I'm on there…haha

I guess the reason I had to blog about this was because it's been hard admitting this to friends because of all the stigmas related to the subject. So this is me just putting it all out there in the hope of changing you're mind.

Of course meeting and dating someone you met online is no substitute for those in-person interactions but it's also no surprise that in the web-based world we live in today it's easy to meet and establish meaningful relationships because of a cyber space contact…in fact if you're reading this, you're getting to know me a little better, right?

I'M ON EHARMONY! ARE YOU?

(Whew! I'm glad that's over with...)

--END--